Healing through Corona: Finding life in the break of a pandemic

On July 8^th, I received an early morning call from the doctor informing me that my test results were positive for Coronavirus. I tested because I had mild symptoms that I thought were seasonal allergies and my dad wanted me to be “safe than sorry.” Asymptomatic with allergies or COVID showed up in my bodies masked as allergies. Bottom line, I was infected with COVID-19. Thank goodness my gut told me to stay home on the 4^th or I could have endangered my family. Contradictory feelings of fear and relief fell over me as I hung up the phone. Thankfully I am still doing well and just about on the other side. Sharing these words of reflection to process and offer HOPE.  

After three and a half months of following all of the rules of staying at home and socially distancing, I needed a break. I needed a chance to be with me without the constant intrusion of others’ emotions reacting to this epic moment.    

Not only are we in a global health pandemic, but a social pandemic – one of reckoning morality for systemic crimes against humanity, crimes against Black people, crimes rooted in a system of colonization that has been illusionary from the start. An authentic nation of freedom and equality “for all” cannot be created through the stealing of land, human trafficking, mass murder, and violent oppression of others. Yet reconciliation is a bitch.

Before the tragic murder of George Floyd, Coronavirus was unearthing the effects of systemic racism as Black bodies began unveiling proof of its collective impact in hospital ICU’s, under ventilators, and in pop-up morgues. Like inoperable bullets lodged in the bodies, underlying health conditions such as asthma, hypertension, diabetes, sickle cell, and obesity began truth-telling stories of:

• Chronic stress from daily micro-aggressions at work, in public, through frequent or anticipated police interactions;
• Respiratory diseases from living in poor air-quality communities due to historic patterns of environmental injustice such as oil drilling, cell phone towers, auto repair shops, chemical dry cleaners, and meat processing plants, etc.;
• Hypertension and Diabetes from limited fresh food choices in addition to chronic stress. Why is establishing community gardens so controversial in low-income communities?;
• Lack of affordable housing leading to overcrowded conditions, especially when everyone is home;
• Greenspace and recreational inequities that hamper access to daily exercise and respite in nature like found in other communities; and
• Workplace discrimination that creates apartheid conditions for people of color.

The visible death of George Floyd, with millions at home to watch – unknowingly witnessing the particularities of a Jim Crow public lynching ceremony, was the match that lit the tinderbox in the streets, starting a take-down movement of markers of historical injustice, bringing to the forefront a roaring fire that has been raging in the womb of the nation since at least 1492.

Telling of so many truths of the Black experience buried in the soul to survive began all emerging at once. Righteous anger in the streets. More than 100,000 people dead in 90 days from one cause. Hate intensifying. Growing number of people unhoused on the streets. Black women dying in the “safety” of their homes. Youth committing suicide. Stuck at home feeling helpless against the magnitude. It became too much. I needed to drive. I needed to be in the desert – a hostile landscape that always tests my humanity and will.    

 

A “walk-about” in the desert is an annual ritual. Normally I go in August, one of the hottest months when I know the heat is unforgiving yet purifying. But I couldn’t wait. Plus the forecast was for triple digits – perfect. I needed the wisdom of its majestic mountain ranges that have seen the toiling of civilizations, the knowledge of the sage and other greenery that find ways to survive through the dry cracks of the earth – regenerating each year. I needed to sit with an Elder who has experienced life and has lived long enough to find humor to see the long-term- game beyond short-term reactions. I also needed to connect to a water source. To me, water in the desert offers a well-spring of hope. So I broke free from quarantine for a personal retreat. On the way back stopped at the Colorado, the source of L.A.’s water, and paid respect and to ask for coolness to moisturize the dry-heated energy that was spreading so much anger and division within families, communities, and the nation.

For my mental wellness, it was worth it. Yet in taking all precautions, somewhere in the journey Lady Corona and I crossed paths. Our fate was inevitable. In fact, predictable given I went to the desert to break free of fears attaching to me in these times.

Still in quarantine, I am doing well. Blessed. Recovery has been a collective effort of family, close friends, and faith. I even saw my Grandma in heaven pray for me.  And I honor (difficult at times) the voice of the Guardian Angel who watches over me: Breathe… Sit still. . . Surrender . . .            

But THIS Moment isn’t about any one person. We ARE in this together. Here are a few self-reflections that I hope may help you navigate through these times.  Writing them helped remind me of what I can control and what I need to continue to release. I pray no one gets infected. I pray we all meet up in person this time next year when we can give thanks for life, grieve all losses, and celebrate small wins as we continue to strive making systemic change that this period’ s sacrifice is calling for.

Mental Preparation

Reduce the hate. Limit exposure to the news and social media. By now you have your opinion on this Administration and its communication strategy to create division. Don’t help them spread further mental fecal matter. Bully’s and psychopaths feed off of attention.

Find your cause. There are a lot of needs in the world right now. Find one cause and go deep- not wide trying to do too many things where you get overwhelmed and paralyzed. For example, distribute food to seniors or people with limited ability, collect and distribute art-projects for people experiencing homelessness isolating in Project RoomKey or even those permanently housed in PSH, become a pen-pal for people in prison, increase technology access to low-income households to help survive social isolation . . . Lot’s to do, but pick one. Forgive yourself for not keeping up with it all – conserve your energy and work on YOUR cause.

Find your joy. Spend at least a half hour on your joy and don’t let anyone judge your choice. If you want to make sourdough bread or walk on the beach at sunset (wear a mask) – do it. My joy is taking care of my plants – houseplants and vegetables; learning pest management & staying vigilant for hornworms on my tomatoes.

Decide to stay. Every day brings news of a newly departed soul. The bottled up grief may sound like a call to depart the planet now, BUT I ask you to resist. Fight to stay. Let the universe and everyone in it know your intention to stay on this planet through this pandemic and beyond. If you find any resistance in saying this take note and reach out to a mental health specialist or trusted support circle.  We need your talents and strengths to rebuild humanity.

Spiritual Preparation

Not a curse. I don’t accept that this virus is a curse but it is a wake-up call. I respect it like I do a rattlesnake. To me, the virus is an energy awakening our deadend soul to the destruction of our collective behavior. In its destruction, it has created a reset, a pause, a release, and re-imagination. Watch judgement.  

Lean into faith. My Ifa practice, spiritual family, and biological family have been by rock through this. Lean into your faith. How is your faith guiding you? What is it asking of you? Have you done it? Do you pray/mediate/connect to your inner power each day? Do you talk with your ancestors? Do you have a prayer circle? Build your support system now. None of us will get through any of this alone. We need community. Build your “spiritual immune system.”  

Talk with Elders. Talk with elder family or community members about their life experience through trying times. It helps to hear stories of victory in the midst of war. If no one to talk too, turn off the computer and read a good biography or autobiography as most people have had to overcome hardships. I am reading “Working the Roots: Over 400 years of traditional African-American Healing”by Michele E. Lee, learning many stories from elders who worked the land for medicine.   

Make your house a home. With the intrusion of Zoom, we must resist “professionalizing” our homes. Now more than ever your home needs to be a sanctuary. Clear out clutter and other aspects that may cause stress. And don’t over clean with harsh chemicals. Open windows and doors every day to allow air to flow through and take out any stifling energy. Burn sage or Palo Santo or other purifying herbs or incense to clear out negativity. Recharge your crystals under the proper moon cycle (not my area of expertise but works). Grow plants, play music, make art for the walls.  If you live with roommates, focus on your immediate living space, while maybe making suggestions through a “family” meeting.

Love yourself up. Our bodies have absorbed so much just since March, compounded on whatever was going on in our lives before then and since then. Rest, eat breakfast in bed, take a fun bath with favorite essential oils and petals and honey and whatever else. If you don’t have a tub, get a large plastic basin and fill it up. After you shower, use a smaller bowl or calabash to dip into the basis and pour on your “magic” over yourself then pat dry, but let the essence that you created linger. Yes you may have rose petals and other things in interesting places but who cares. ***Note self-love is different than over-indulgence. Monitor excessive use of alcohol, sex, drugs, food, gambling, sweets, etc. These may be self-anesthesia- not love. Don’t numb out. Find healthy ways to cope.

Awaken you. Start doing or at least identifying the real things you want to do. Be honest and shake up ideas of what is “enough” or expected. I mean we are in the midst of a global shut-down, toppling of long-standing confederate statutes and burning, demands to defund the police or at least re-image are being discussed, and North Carolina just offered an apology and plan for reparations. When would there be a better time to awaken the YOU desiring to be born?

Physical Preparation

Maximize Protection. Wear a mask. A clean one every day over your nose. Socially distant. Wash your hands – 20 secs in between your fingers and your wrists. Self-quarantine with any symptoms (dehydration, sore throat, sudden tiredness, difficulty in breathing, cough, etc.). Get tested.

Have a plan. Just as you prepare for a natural disaster, prepare for self-quarantine/isolation. If you live with others, what is the designated quarantine room? Do you have access to your own bathroom? Create a “go bag” with a 14 to 21 day supply of personal hygiene, Tylenol, disinfectants, cell phone charger, etc. Is there someone who can pick up your mail and take-out your garbage? Are you signed up for Instacart or can someone buy groceries for you? Make a plan. P.S.: If self isolating at home is not possible or unsafe – know at least L.A. County has resources.

Move. Exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. Keep your lungs active. Breathing meditations are great. So is walking, dancing, yoga, biking, swimming, cleaning house, drumming, anything to move and work your lungs.

Eat Healthy. Check with your grandma (or a nutritionist) about old-school healthy food choices to build your immune system. Choices like honey tea (T/U Damian – my brother), homemade chicken soup, greens (really good reason to start a garden) and fresh fruits, nuts, etc. Also stay hydrated with water, herbal teas, melons, . . .  Reduce foods that cause mucus build-up like dairy products. Black Women For Wellness has great resources (https://www.bwwla.org/v2019/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/Herbalism-2_compressed.pdf) and there are many IG gurus who can offer suggestions- but I would start with Grandma.

Rest. Make sure you are getting enough restful sleep. Also if you are tired during the day, figure out a way to pause and rejuvenate. Naps may not be practical – although if working from home a 20 min. snooze may help- so look into meditations, walks outside, coloring, calls with a good friend, anything to turn off the mind. You want your body in the best fighting position for you.

Don’t push through. This was a hard one for me. Even before I was trying to let go but would become critical of myself for not doing enough and would start packing my schedule with calls and Zoom events. Now, I have no choice. I have to conserve energy so before each task, I ask – will this bring me joy? If not, for now I ignore, send a little email back declining, or setting up follow through for a future date. Now is not the time for 60 hour work weeks, 10 back-to-back Zoom meetings, and other “activity” of distraction to present being busy or significant in this time. Our performance culture has to end- it is stopping us from the rest and deep work we need to be doing. Find ways to resist and set boundaries. Honor your spirit and your body. They will be you BEST defense to push back against this virus.

This virus impacts everyone differently. It shows up and then shapeshifts. Even when you “get it” you are not immune to a re-infection. It has invaded all aspects of our life. Yet we have power over it, especially when we address it collectively, all doing our part.

                               Stay well. Keep your joy. Act with purpose. Lead with love.