“If I had to say what I found here, it would be peace, love, and self-confidence. I may not always be able to express myself in the best way to say what are my skills and contribution, but here a smile or tip were appreciated and made a difference. Would anyone miss me if I did not come home tomorrow, but stayed here? . . . I need to feel a sense of belonging, appreciation and contribution. Honduras has helped renew my soul in these areas. ” (Honduras, 9 July 2008)
After ten years, I returned to Honduras out of the blue in May 2018. The spirit of place called, made me restless, beckoned me to return – a homecoming of sorts, although Honduras is not my home, at least not in this lifetime, or perhaps not yet. So I went for a three-day weekend before the New Moon.
While in Honduras, my friend George Roatan, encouraged me to move out of my comfort zone. We had been talking about ideas that I would like to manifest, but have felt stuck, as if some internal fear is blocking, making my drive forward stagnate.
Besi
ds being a long-time friend who has quietly been there during some dark times, George is an amazing professional tour guide (more info) who uses a connection to nature as a tool for healing, confidence building, and frankly, helping get “unstuck.” George is a natural teacher with a real gift of connecting to people and reconnecting people to place.
George suggested that we visit Cataratas Pulhapanzak, a nice size waterfall that has a fierce flow, even in the summertime. A place where one meets nature head on. As part of the tour you are guided behind the waterfall, weaving in and out of caves with natural pause spaces to sit, rest, and even stand so that the water droplets ricocheting off the main downpour fall on you like snowflakes. It is funny, in my spiritual tradition of Ifa, we are always warned to keep a cool head to help build good character. Well, George kept saying, go stand on the rock and look up to “cool your head”, not knowing the connection to Ifa. He is a diver so it reminded him of being under the sea.
Me, I have a slight fear of heights and am claustrophobic (perhaps Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade memory). I tried it, carefully navigating the slippery boulder and hugged a wall of ancient stone and faced upwards. It felt like little stars rushing toward me. The profoundness of the moment caught me by surprise. What world had I entered? I was not sure if I was supposed to breathe or hold my breath; was I on land or under the sea? I kept wanting for someone to turn the waterfall off – just for a moment so I could re-orient myself. But this was impossible. So I went to sit back in a slight cave on a rock- claiming my safety ground as the sheets of rapid white-water roared in front of me. While waiting for other members of our tour go off with the guide and explore another cave, I watched George so freely play under the droplets. He was calm, cool, in prayer. Me, I was fighting the flight/fight syndrome, resisting the urge to jump through the waterfall and into the river below. In that moment, I just wanted to be freed from the confinements of space and enter into the waters below where – if I survived the rapids – could just swim on my own terms.
Well, jumping obviously was not a rational choice. George sensed something and walked back over to me and patiently led me to focus on my breathing; encouraging me to meditate, and stay present in the moment. At the same time, I learned how to put up my boundaries – knowing just how far I could stretch out of my comfort zone. By the end of the experience, I experienced balance. A safe, but not always comfortable place.
As I think of the depth of homelessness (a profession that has called me) and its roots in an attachment to psychic drives for racial segregation (at least here in the U.S.), this experience taught me that I must find a way to hold the tensions of my fears so I can continue to move forward, not play small, push the edges of my comfort zone, and trust that I will know the boundaries of what is “too much.” Working with a phenomenon like homelessness that triggers so many personal and collective shadows and trauma, is not always comfortable, in fact more uncomfortable and challenging than not, but this is my destiny. I must walk in confidence- even if I am not sure if I am standing up or upside down, on land or under water, as I’ve got this. This trip was great medicine for the next leg of this life journey.
Thank you George and all the earth-workers helping reconnect us lost souls back to the land. You have a special spiritual gift of helping re-member the divine within nature and ourselves and teaching us how to become better earth-keepers. Only in harmony and balance with the nature within, as well as that surrounding us, can we fulfill our destinies. Blessings!
Alisa's thoughts on Beloved Communities 